her royal highness.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

slow.

it's been a while since i've blogged, not that i know anyone is reading anyway. but i'll just continue running this blog, for the sake of the memories.

business has been slow this month. the orders only started coming in at the end of the month. i'm not running any valentines' day special or promotion, because i'm really busy this time of the month with exams and attachment going on soon, within the next 3 weeks. so tired, but i have to keep fighting. body clock is messed up, and i'm just going through each day, day by day. i'm literally running on fumes. i never get enough sleep, no matter how early or how long i sleep. attachment has become my sleep ground. just sleep to break and lunch and not eat. sighs, i'm really that tired. times like this, life becomes a chore, school becomes a bore, and i'm just so exhausted i can crash any moment.

yes yes, i'm ranting again. it is my blog though...

right now i'm studying for microbiology. for attachment. who has actually heard of attachment exams. i mean seriously...it's madness. thank God 80% of is is open book. only microbiology is not open book, so i'm focussing most of everything on that. i really don't want to fail this semester. already did so badly for common test to the point that i actually failed 2 modules. and one of them is supposed to be my "best" i'm such a genius really, when you do well for your worse module and do badly for your better module. it's like O levels all over again!

and to add to the stress, people around me are getting really insensitive. sighs, can't do anything about that really. if everyone is really bent on treating me as the black sheep, there is really nothing i can do about it. if you can't stand by me when things are this bad, i don't expect you to stand by me when everything is smooth sailing. sadly, you just can't seem to understand that i'm not like everyone. i don't learn easily, and it's hard for me to do things sometimes. my attention span is getting shorter and shorter, and my health is getting worse. if you think all of this is a farce, and that i'm faking it, or you think i'm trying to "get attention" as usual, well, then i'm really sad that you think that i have to resort to such measure to get your attention. if i'm so hard on for your attention, i wouldn't sometimes wish that i never knew you and that you were never part of my life. we were never close and we will never be. because you can't get that plank out of your eye and see the bigger picture. as a leader, i thought better of you. than all of you. but i was wrong. very wrong. if you cared, when was that last time you actually picked up the phone to call me and ask me how i was doing, without me actually initiating anything? i'll tell you when. NEVER. please don't tell the world that you "tried" but i never listened or accepted your advice. you never tried as hard as you're supposed to really. i'm just waiting for the day when you say i'm no longer welcome in your family. it's just so easy to turn my back on you as it was easy for you.

and i really don't see how you're helping anything. you're just repeating all my problems back to me without any solution. rubbing it into my face about what a bad person i am. don't forget. so are you. i know about all the stupid stuff you do, and it's not even comparable to mine. so don't act like you're all saint like. you disgust me. as a friend i thought you would be more caring and understanding. but obviously not. be glad i ever talk to you again, because it'll be a long while before i will ever pick up any of your calls.

times like this when your world around you is crumbling everywhere, and the people outside of your world are just pointing and laughing, waiting for your ultimate downfall.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 1:27 AM

Monday, November 28, 2011

p5shingmea*y

i don't know if i should blame myself. ever since i got together with you, i pushed everyone away. to send more time with you, to not let you be jealous. literally everyone in existence, i practically shoved them right out of my life. my best friend, my brothers, my classmates and society mates. now there's this overwhelming regret left, especially now that you're gone. i actually feeling like an absolute idiot, for not balancing my relationships properly. i miss my best friend. i know it's stupid since i was the one who kept being busy and everything. we used to message each other everyday. all those years spent trying to build that relationship with him. now i barely talk to him. sacrificing a 5 year friendship for a 9 month relationship. was it worth it? at that point in time, it seemed reasonable. but now it feels downright stupid and ridiculous.

so where's this post going? i don't know really. i'm not blaming you or anyone else. just mostly me. maybe if i put in more effort? maybe if i tried harder.

maybe if i tried harder in everything that i did in my life. maybe there might have been results. instead of giving up like i always do. be it in life, spiritually, school, cheerleading, relationships, friendships? constantly in the state of doing things wrong and giving up.

i'm all out of fight.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 12:50 AM

Thursday, November 17, 2011

overexhaustion.

my future job should be a private investigator. i'm really good at finding out things about people. and the worst thing is that it's all online info about them, written by them. oh and facebook. such a marvelous tool. -.- seriously, the internet scares me at times. and this is one of the time.

TTSH attachment today. so amazing! to actually have an exam where answers are dished out to you by the examiner. hahahaha! the best joke ever. i'll be sad to leave CP. central processing has been one heck of a joy ride for the past 4 days at attachment. even though we didn't get much time to rest, i honestly think that i learnt more doing sample processing here than i ever did at NUH. seriously, i don't feel like i'm having attachment at NUH. i feel like i'm just wasting my life away there, reading SOPs and just generally WILLING time away. had fun doing pneumatic tube sorting and bench sorting. sadly, we didn't really get to do urine FEME sorting. the little kid in me was bursting to stick labels the entire 4 days, but i only got to stick like a few :( but i still got my fun sending out the samples using the slide. it's really more fun than NUH. attachment at NUH is really just one big bowl of suck.

BTS next. but somehow i have a feeling the BTS at TTSH is non-comparable to BTS at NUH. i have a feeling BTS at NUH was more fun. more hands-on stuff, less dreary work. which i love of course! more practicals and learning experiences!(: dreading BTS for tomorrow, but sighs, come what may i guess.

enough ranting. wanted to rant more about personal stuff, but typing out what i did in my day makes me feel even better than i was just now. oh well.

apparently, the berrylite at velocity is desperately in need to hiring staff. but sadly, time constraints and my already overflowing agenda will not allow me to have a part time job anytime soon. i do have my shop though, even though business is slow. D: how does carrie even cope will all this? and she has 73 orders! gosh. i wish i could be an over achiever at times too. i hate settling with mediocrity. but i guess with the current situation and circumstance that i'm in, i can only settle.

alright! negative emotions flooding back! i shall stop here! resume writing workshop with nabilah and a CBE class. not looking forward to it but like i said, i'll just settle. so, bye for now(:

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 12:49 AM

Monday, November 14, 2011

areyouhappywiththestateim'in?

an errant thought today. to defer for one year, and to come back again fighting. i'm so tired it's ridiculous. so exhausted out of my mind that i can barely stay focus on one thing for long. still trying to keep up with my lectures, and trying even harder to catch up with my jap lessons. it's only the the 4th or 5th lesson? and already i'm falling behind in homework and quizzes.

someone save me before i officially become depressed and suicidal.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 11:52 PM

teardownthewall.

to be able to love someone should be the happiest thing you should ever be able to feel.

i was actually high on love today. for the first time. not on sugar, caffeine or adrenaline. okay, maybe a bit of all three, but it was definitely the love that i had for my family that made me high today.

to be able to love you since i was little till now, it's even harder to achieve. i don't know the kind of love that i have for you, but i know my love is forbidden. to never be able to say those three words to you kind of kills me inside a little, but seeing you happy is what matters. is it not?

to find love that is reciprocated in it's truest form. the easiest to find, yet the hardest as well. accepting it is easy, rejecting it is even easier. love in the flesh, but yet not truly exist in that form. to be able to love You is my privilege. for You to love me, it's my greatest gift of all.

i need to find back that love. i hope You'll still want me, even though i know You will accept me even in my most broken form.

i'm sorry for all the lies and broken promises. i'm sorry i gave up. but it was the easiest way out. send someone to lead me back. cause i'm lost with no hope of bringing myself back.

for now, i'm climbing into bed and crying myself to sleep again. it's become a ritual. a bedtime story, a hug and a cry. to feel the sense of loneliness that overrides all. to feel so loveless, and so hopeless.

that feeling of happiness during that one dream that will never come true. to be able to feel it again would be a miracle that only you can provide.

stop dreaming girl.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 1:32 AM

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

burden.

i always think that it's me. that i'm the problem. how can i not when the situation is the same no matter where i go. then i think that i'm not trying hard enough, or that i try too hard. it gets confusing soon after, then i stop trying at all. soon i start thinking what i did wrong, and why things always happen. i get trapped in a vicious cycle, and i've no way out.

you find that when you face this kind of things, you're left alone to sort things out. people don't like to get stuck with people who aren't sure of themselves. it's not a matter of relationships status anymore, you're out there to fend for yourselves. it all becomes a cruel game that we are all stuck playing. i know i'm not the only one playing this game. but the weird thing is, people who are constantly putting me down because of this are facing the same thing as me. maybe it's the lack of empathy that becomes a horrible web of deceit and lies, to hide from reality, to create a facade that your life is much better and happier than mine.

you ain't fooling me. you're only fooling yourselves.

once again, i'm prattling off, make no sense, taking in riddles.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 12:04 AM

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

countdown.

i've officially turned into a nocturnal person. i'm up at night and dead sleep in the morning through afternoon. sighs...messed up body clock really.

anyway, 2 more days, till i'm out of here!!! after living in this house for the past 9 years, and living in the north for the past 18 years, i'm finally moving northeast! i'm excited!! cause it's gonna be a new adventure!(: new house, new furniture, new me? hahaha! but what's past is past, and i'm gonna keep that all stuffed in the old house, and breaking anew into the new house! yeahhhhhh!

so on a happy note, i shall stop here! i'm on pottermore and neopets right now. a slight disappointment when i got into hufflepuff instead of slytherin or ravenclaw or if i dare say gryffindor! but it shall not be. sighs...if i answered the sorting questions with my first instinct instead of thinking things over. like the last 2 questions, choosing stars over moon, when i'm clearly happier when i see the full moon out at night. but it was a tough call. i love both the moon and stars equally. or choosing left over right. but i chose right, in the end, even though the gut instincts were screaming left over and over. hahaha! i wonder what house i would be in if i chose left. LOL...but alas, we shall never know. oh well, for that i leave you! BYE!(:

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 4:34 AM

Friday, September 16, 2011

rants.

ignore me. i'm here to rant. things keep running through my mind, and no matter how i vent my frustrations, i just keep bottling everything up time and time again. i can't seem to bring myself to forgive again.

for the people who think that i'm so insignificant: hello! i'm standing right in front of you. please do not treat me like a third party! and if you really have something to say to me, about something you don't like, say something to me directly, not go through a million and one people. we're not playing broken telephone here!

and for the people who think it's really cool to ditch other: how, pray tell, is stranding me on an island, with proper toilets and beds while you guys go out to a god forsaken island to stay overnight bringing you satisfaction? obviously you don't see the irony in things. your immaturity is obviously supersedes mine if you even think of doing such things. while i applaud your creativity, you obviously don't have brains to see that i'm better off being on that island than you are. hahahaha!

that being said, will everyone please try to grow up? we are all attending a tertiary institution, yet i'm faced with pre-schoolers. i wonder whether even they have a better notion of how to treat a person, much less a friend than you do. and please be reminded that i in no way did anything to intentionally offend you, neither did i do or say anything to bring you any harm of any sort. i wonder whether you can say the same thing for me. but that is a rhetorical question, which should remind you of the fact that i am human too, and that any emotions or feelings that you have, i am capable of having too. i'm not an exclusion, so please don't treat me like an alien. oh, and what you do to me, please be prepared to get what you deserve ten-fold over. what you're capable of, so am i. but i have the decency to not do anything to you.

do not make me threaten to physically break your face. i'm small, but i have energy and strength enough to physically hurt you. the way i do my brother. so be warned.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 4:14 AM

resultsday.

expecting that huge drop in GPA. i will not cry, i will not cry!

time to work hard and come up with a creative way to study. i hate how the perfectionist in me hinders my studies, instead of helping me. having to be systematic in everything i do and write, even the colours have to be in order and all that mess, sighs...

i need to get a 3 ring hole puncher soon. i hate the 2 ring hole punch system used in singapore. another reason why i want to study in usa. i can't wait to go to college. in another 2-3 years, i'll be out of here. in this hellhole with all the bad memories, and it just keeps adding. for now, i have to learn to be contented. the moment i land on foreign soil, it'll be different. and i get to expand my bracelet business easier being in usa, where the bulk of my customers hail from.

i need to find a way to promote my business. i'm losing out on competition. i really am. for now, since my competitor is "away on vacation" i shall try to find a way to garner a wider range of customers. sadly, there seems to be a problem with the postal service, and getting my customer their bracelets. already, 2 bracelets have been sent back. contacted both buyers, but have not received a reply since. i feel like i'm cheating my customers out of their money. but what can i do? :( sighs...

drifting away again, time to pull myself back and get back on my feet.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 12:51 AM

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

sickofthisshite.

can't run out of such situations. no matter how hard I try, no matter how fast i run. give me a break please. I had enough of your hurtful words and insensitive remarks. please don't act pitiful in front of me after pulling such a stunt.

going straight into a mental meltdown from here.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 10:57 AM

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

drastic.

thinking of doing something drastic. out of sight, out of mind you know? though i've already been doing really random drastic stuff over the past few days, i feel that it's not enough. sighs...

if this thing goes private after awhile, you'll know why.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 2:57 AM

Monday, September 12, 2011

spammed.

posting up random stuff because i'm really bored, and i'm still WIDE AWAKE!!! :( currently reading an FF and doing up a cross stitch(: my favourite past time! :D hahahaha! just randomly thinking about something, somehow, i always dream for things beyond my reach, and such stuff are usually left unknown, though things do get out eventually :( i hate how obvious i am sometimes! :(

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 2:30 AM

Sunday, September 11, 2011

intoxicated.

post-OAC random highness. really feeling intoxicated! i'm so high i don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight. but i haven't slept in 42 hours! OMG.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 11:22 PM

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

youobviouslydon'tgetit.

sarcasm has its merits. but obviously not when people don't get it. must i go into the details? bunch of dunderheads.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 5:34 AM

Monday, September 05, 2011

endof.

welcome to the "i hate mabel thong" fanclub. your subscription is mandatory. please fill in the form, and we will get back to you in a few business days.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 11:25 PM