her royal highness.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

slow.

it's been a while since i've blogged, not that i know anyone is reading anyway. but i'll just continue running this blog, for the sake of the memories.

business has been slow this month. the orders only started coming in at the end of the month. i'm not running any valentines' day special or promotion, because i'm really busy this time of the month with exams and attachment going on soon, within the next 3 weeks. so tired, but i have to keep fighting. body clock is messed up, and i'm just going through each day, day by day. i'm literally running on fumes. i never get enough sleep, no matter how early or how long i sleep. attachment has become my sleep ground. just sleep to break and lunch and not eat. sighs, i'm really that tired. times like this, life becomes a chore, school becomes a bore, and i'm just so exhausted i can crash any moment.

yes yes, i'm ranting again. it is my blog though...

right now i'm studying for microbiology. for attachment. who has actually heard of attachment exams. i mean seriously...it's madness. thank God 80% of is is open book. only microbiology is not open book, so i'm focussing most of everything on that. i really don't want to fail this semester. already did so badly for common test to the point that i actually failed 2 modules. and one of them is supposed to be my "best" i'm such a genius really, when you do well for your worse module and do badly for your better module. it's like O levels all over again!

and to add to the stress, people around me are getting really insensitive. sighs, can't do anything about that really. if everyone is really bent on treating me as the black sheep, there is really nothing i can do about it. if you can't stand by me when things are this bad, i don't expect you to stand by me when everything is smooth sailing. sadly, you just can't seem to understand that i'm not like everyone. i don't learn easily, and it's hard for me to do things sometimes. my attention span is getting shorter and shorter, and my health is getting worse. if you think all of this is a farce, and that i'm faking it, or you think i'm trying to "get attention" as usual, well, then i'm really sad that you think that i have to resort to such measure to get your attention. if i'm so hard on for your attention, i wouldn't sometimes wish that i never knew you and that you were never part of my life. we were never close and we will never be. because you can't get that plank out of your eye and see the bigger picture. as a leader, i thought better of you. than all of you. but i was wrong. very wrong. if you cared, when was that last time you actually picked up the phone to call me and ask me how i was doing, without me actually initiating anything? i'll tell you when. NEVER. please don't tell the world that you "tried" but i never listened or accepted your advice. you never tried as hard as you're supposed to really. i'm just waiting for the day when you say i'm no longer welcome in your family. it's just so easy to turn my back on you as it was easy for you.

and i really don't see how you're helping anything. you're just repeating all my problems back to me without any solution. rubbing it into my face about what a bad person i am. don't forget. so are you. i know about all the stupid stuff you do, and it's not even comparable to mine. so don't act like you're all saint like. you disgust me. as a friend i thought you would be more caring and understanding. but obviously not. be glad i ever talk to you again, because it'll be a long while before i will ever pick up any of your calls.

times like this when your world around you is crumbling everywhere, and the people outside of your world are just pointing and laughing, waiting for your ultimate downfall.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 1:27 AM