her highness.
3.5.93; seventeen'10NP-ian; biomedical laboratory technology
COSBT
impactLIFE; newLIFE
lollipop princess!
eternal maknae! ♥
strange addiction.
we're members of GOD's family,
we're children of the KING;
because we've put our faith in CHRIST,
to us HE'll always cling.♥
her loves.
GODalan; alex; ariel; jalq; gene; violet; ian; winnie
purple
family
besties
cell
fahrenheit!
wuzun!
super junior!
ryeowook! sungmin! donghae!
blueberry tea!
lollipop!
froyo!
ice-skating!
puzzles!
her wishes.
sony vaio cs 36GJ! [berry purple]PSP! [purple/black]
handphone [htc touch pro 2]
iPod nano gen 4 [purple]
puzzles!
run away; meg cabot
twilight saga box set
farenheit's 2nd album. :D
her talk.
her loyal subjects.
abi-joy low.celeste lim.
dai jun hong.
isaiah chia.
loh junyi.
actsONE; actsPLOSIVES
abi-joy low.darius chng.
doreen neo.
esther lyn.
sarah chin.
trevor lee.
watt weihao.
her memories.
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x[June 2016]x
Friday, June 24, 2016
endofthejourney.
I miss you, but there seems to be no end to this situation. It's been just a week of me being back but already things have gone more wrong than I ever expected it to be. What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to be like? Everything is just a constant facade. I can't be that strong girl that I'm supposed to be or that everyone wants me to be. I'm tired of this and I'm tired of life and I wish everything could just end when I go to bed at night.
I contemplate so many things on a daily basis, contemplating taking life to the next step, or just staying where I am, rotting on the inside till I rot on the outside as well. I wish for simpler times, for things that I can have in life that would make me satisfied. Not the things you can have and hold, but the things that you can't see but that matter the most.
I miss being able to be free, and not trapped in my own self, in my own mind. I wish for happier times, but I realise that I've never actually experienced it before. The meaning of truly being happy, a life without pain and suffering. A life that requires no emotions such as sadness or hurt.
I thought I changed and I thought I can show it to everyone that I changed to, but in the end I'm still that same me, the same vulnerable girl that has gone through so much but has yet to put herself back together.
I miss living, but it feels like I don't actually know what that's supposed to feel as well. We spend all these years trying so hard, working but not living. But what exactly are we doing it for? For survival? To be "someone"? What does it all mean? And what does it all matter?
The facade and the acting needs to stop, but without it, I don't know who I am or what I'm supposed to do. In this life, the only thing I'm capable of is nothing. And I wish I could turn into nothing soon as well.
mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3
my fantasy world. ♥ 8:20 PM