her royal highness.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

betrayal.

and so you finally showed your true colours. not that i intentionally put you through a test in anyway, but you just failed it out right. WELL DONE! so much for being friends, sisters, all that crap. i'm sorry but i never really bought it. and you've proven to me how right i was, going behind my back like this. i hope it makes you feel good, but just know that you lost a friend in me. i'll never look at you in the same light anymore.

people have proven to me time and time again that they are not worth my time or efforts. what for? why do i try so hard when i'm always at the losing end? people always put other things before relationships/friendships. money, religion, time, etc. everything must be calculated in everyway. that i have to do this and that when i receive help from you, but when i help you, i honestly don't expect anything in return, just that you treat me with some semblence of respect and not treat me like a fool.

you're just another regrets in my life. so sorry to say that, but that's the truth, and there's no point denying it.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 1:50 AM

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

reflection.

i feel like this segregation is a time of reflection for me. i'm tired of everything really. school, work, social life. so drop dead tiring.

funny how i've almost reached a state of being uncontactable, but the people who say that they care have not asked me anything. not that i'm doing this to get any attention, for those who like to think of me as this great attention seeker. i really just need this down time, this time of my own to get back on my feet. to work out my life schedule and to get my life in general back on track. it's gonna be tiring and emotionally draining, but i really feel that i need this..

i'll be going back this week. once i've worked out a schedule that fits me best. I need to pull through this!! but gosh. this is such a emotional roller coaster.

i got a shocked last night when kor pulled me into a hug. but his affection was something that i've always longed for in my big brother. pity it took this for him to bring himself to do something so drastic. i'm such a screw up that even he knows it. when he compared his life to mine, his life really feels like a damn walk in the park. and mine feels so burdened and chained up. but the people around me are really not helping with that.

i hate this feeling of being the one who can only help but never receive help in return. to be a listening ear, but not have the favour paid in return. sometimes i ask why me. when kor reminded me yesterday that God won't put me through something i can't handle, i just can't help but ask why me. out of all the people out there, why must it be me who bears all the hardships and suffering? then i remember that i can never have friends. because God knows i rely too much on people instead of Him, and when i get too close to anyone, i'll end up neglecting him instead. but really...why me?

i'm tired, and i'm going to bed. may tomorrow be a better day for everyone.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 1:42 AM