her royal highness.

Sunday, July 03, 2011

hitontheheadandheart.

what you said that day really hit me so hard. i felt so hurt for you. yet i didn't know how to help you, and gain your confidence to lean on Him again. but i have to remember that God has a plan, and it's up to Him to draw you back. it's times like this when i realise that i've been praying for the wrong things. i keep praying for your salvation and for my own strength and courage. but i realise that i have to pray for wisdom and love. something so essential in life. wisdom to handle this kind of situations, and wisdom to be able to help others. to be able to love unconditionally, beyond the normal range of human love.

then i need to pray for forgiveness. forgiveness from God, that He may wash away all of my sins and forgive me and allow me to become clean. and forgiveness for others, that i will forgive them for anything that is done wrong to me, just like how God has forgiven me of my sins.

i don't want to walk a life where i bury all the hatred, anger, bitterness, sorrow, and unforgiveness in my heart. because i won't be able to freely love. i need to be strong, act wisely and continue to learn from God.

dear I ,i miss our friendship. it's been 3 weeks and 2 days since you went into army, and we haven't had contact for more than a month. i'm sorry for all the hurt that i've caused you. but somehow, the words "what good will an apology do now" keeps ringing in my ears. words not just from you, but from someone else as well. true, my apologises can be deemed useless now. but unless you can forgive me of everything i've done wrong to you, and put the past behind you, just as how i've done, you'll never come to terms with the fact that things between us can change, and that we won't be friends until then. until you learn to let go and move on.

dear J, sorry if i hurt your heart by saying things that i shouldn't have told anyone, or by any of my actions. i know you'll say that it's no use, that we're better off not being friends. but we still are team mates. i just need your tolerance on the mats. that's all i ask of you. it's okay if you don't forgive me, that you mock me, that you think i'm childish, ignorant and silly. all i need is that 12 hours of tolerance every week.

dear A, sorry for ruining our friendship by my thoughts and actions and words. i deeply regret everything that i've said and done. i miss our friendship that we had in the beginning. no secrets, no hiding, no facade. some of the things i told you that i honestly wish i didn't. i put too much of a burden on you, and now i'm left to face with the consequences. i'm sorry for everything. for not being there to catch you when you fell. for not being a better friend to you than i should have been.

dear AJ, sorry for the past 1 year of rivalry, and collision. no matter what we do, somehow we'll always be in collision course. i'm sorry for everything that i ever did to hurt you, and i just pray that you'll forgive me and continue to love me and support me as a sister. you're always my bro, and no matter what we face, i hope that we'll emerge stronger from everything.

dear M, sorry for anything that i might have said of done to hurt you. somehow in the past 2 months, we have been drifting further apart from each other. i don't know what's going on, but i really do like to know, so that i can apologise to you, and we can move on from there and rebuild our friendship. i pray that you'll give me a chance to be a better friend.

dear S, i'm sorry for what happened at camp. it was a moment of haste, which resulted in regrets. i deeply apologise to you, and i hope that you'll come to forgive me one day. i know you're not angry anymore, but i do know that you have yet to forgive me either. i just want to say i'm sorry for everything that i've said and done to hurt you, and that you'll give me a chance to be a better friend.

and to everyone else that i have hurt, through any means, i'm sorry, and i pray that you'll come to forgive me in time. if there's anything that you're really unhappy about regarding me, i just hope that you'll tell me, so that i can change to be a better me.

and lastly, i hope that you'll stop finding love and acceptance in all the wrong places. you are being loved and accepted my the highest of kings, and the Lord of all lords. don't let the words of others ruin your eternal life! i know you're stronger than this!(:

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 4:47 PM