her royal highness.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

holeinmyheart.

400th post. Wonder why i keep posting these past few days. To make up for the previous lack of updates? Or maybe because I have too much pent up emotions that I need to let go of. Either way, I'm here now.

This post will be less self-reflective and more about my life I guess? Supposed to be on my bed, dead to the world right now, but my eyes are hurting to much to sleep. And right now, my heart feels like it's been gouged out, played with, stepped on, and thrown away. Have can I have this feeling when there's no one around to play with my heart? But today's just a melancholic and nostalgic mood that I seem to be having.

Right now, the number one person I miss for once is not my jie, but my BFF :( Isaiah Chia! If you ever read this, when was the last time you texted/had a conversation with me? Hate the fact that he's so busy with university. But I can sympathize, I'm only in my final year in polytechnic and already I'm swamped. But the fact remains that I still miss him, it's been ages since we've met, and we've still yet to meet up to celebrate my birthday! Haha!

The second person I miss right now is the rock of the first 10 years of my life. I miss you jie! But we've drifted, and I feel like i'm talking to a complete stranger nowadays whenever you call. I miss receiving your letters and learning about the things you do over at Hong Kong. About your new employers, or your next attempt to go to Canada. I miss you and nothing's gonna change that fact. I wonder when will be the next time I get to see you. This year? Next year? 5 years down, or maybe 10? It's been 7 years since I last saw you, before my surgery, before my life crumbled all around me till I no longer recognize it. Miss you and love you, but I wish any 3rd party outsiders would stop being jealous of our relationship, and get over themselves.

Dajie said I need new perspective. That the lack of response is a breath of fresh air. But I actually feel like I'm suffocating over here. I'm actually worried about the lack of action, and the lack of any missives. But here I am going crazy when there's nothing to worry about, it's none of my business and I shouldn't try to interfere with anything. No, not try, I shouldn't interfere with anything. Like what she said, forbidden fruit. The fruit at the heart of all things. One bite and everything else crumbles. I don't want to be the cause of anyone's destruction or unhappiness. Sighs...

Time to go though, goodnight all!

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 12:32 AM