her royal highness.

Friday, May 18, 2012

neverendingcycle.

Here we go again. On this merry-go-round. How did this happen again? How did this even start. The emotions attached to this situation is uncalled for. Just one week and I'm putty in his hands. I need to stop getting so emotionally attached so quickly. It's going to be 2 days of non-contact, yet it'll feel like an eternity. I will not and must not let myself walk down this path and be his or anyone else's destruction.

I'm sorry if I made you feel that you are obligated to wish me. To wish my existence. To even celebrate for it. It's funny how I'm out of sight and out of mind. Please don't even try to justify your lack of action by my absence. It's up to you to remember. I'm not forcing you. But it's my right to be angry at you for forgetting, so stop being so self-righteous. You're only hurting yourself at the end of the day. "You were away from us for quite some time. Appreciate their efforts to wish you." This is the crappiest line anyone has ever come up with to prove themselves right and me wrong. Well done! So what have you achieved by saying that? Your happiness? My anger? Don't judge me just because I'm not around. You know nothing of me. Please stop acting like you know. What you've been through, what I've been through, they are two separate issues.

Every year, people around me just keep proving to me that I'm not needed here. I'm not wanted here. What's the point of having a birthday? What the meaning of a birthday? It's the celebration of the birth of someone is that not right? If you celebrate a person's birthday, you're truly glad for the existence of a person. I may not have impacted as many people as I would like to have. I may not have that many friends or family around me. But I'm resentful. Resentful to the people who spent 5 years going through hell with me and back. Who claim that I'm a part of that family. Who say that we're friends and I can always lean on them. Well, I can see that now. The different treatment. If this is the kind of family I have, I would rather not have. I live a lonely existence. It took that much to open my heart just a little fraction to you, it took that little for you to show me that I've misplaced my trust in you. I hope you're proud of what you've done.

Slip in and slip out. That's what I'll do from now on. I'll be a ghost again. Under my invisibility cloak once more. Just like how it used to be. Out of sight out of mind. I don't need a group of people to pretend to like me. To pretend to love me. I don't need your chivalry or your charity. Please save it for someone else who cares.

mabTHONG.
lollipop princess! <3

my fantasy world. ♥ 6:53 PM