I need to get a grip on myself. it's bad enough that today was a total utter humiliation for me,bit worse that I became so melodramatic infront of my eyecandy. I need to control my actions more stringently. things like this that have happen before should not happen again! what is wrong with me really.

I realise that I'm always an extremist. either I'm too loud and talkative that people literally steer clear away from me, or too quiet and "meek" that people literally forget of my existence. or another extreme where I'm so hyper I literally forget myself and my actions, or I'm so tired I'm falling all over everything and bed-ridden out of sheer exhaustion. why can't I be anything in-between and find that balance in my life? I'm tired of constant fighting with my extremist self. it gets tiring and old really fast.

take a look at my life and you can find that nothing about me is every normal. I'm physically not normal, mentally abnormal for my age, spiritually distance it's practically non-existent anymore. it is no wonder that people generally don't want to come near me, even with a 39-foot long pole. sorry, muggle reference I plucked off from my dajie. even genetically I'm not normal. having an E3E4 mutation, it's no wonder that I don't gain any weight. one day I have a feeling that I'm really.going to have a heart attack.

I'm pretty much incapacitated over the past few days. my legs, or at least the lower ¼ of my leg has been so extremely sore, I've no idea what I've been doing. I need to stop climbing stairs 3 steps at a time and escalators at 2 steps per stride.

I have a feeling tomorroe's meet up is going to be a riot. hope thjngs go smoothly and I'm not gonna get kicked out of the statiom or something.

look at me, I'm jumping topics all over the place. I guess I'm really too tired. time for bed, waking up early tomorrow to.meet my customers. oh dear...

I think I'll be blogging more than often from now on, now that I installed this handy dandy spiffy blogger app. funny how blogger is under google, yet google has not come up with a blogger app. in fact the chrome is not really processing up to standard as well. oh well, I shall give time more time.

I will blog random lines, words, sentences, poems that pop into my head. but for now, goodnight!